In memory of. . .

So, yesterday my fish Jello died. Over the past couple months, I've lost Oliver, Lenny, and Flitwick. I did everything I could to make them better, but nothing worked well enough. Today I decided to make a ritual for them.

Oliver wasn't buried here because he died while living in the summer apartment, but Lenny, Flitwick, and Jello are buried by my front porch. Yesterday when Jason and I buried Jello, we found the stub of a burned white candle right where Flitwick was buried. Neither of us put it there, and I still can't figure out where it came from. I think it was put there for a reason.

I carved their names into a really pretty gold candle, then drew little pictures of them on the other side of the candle. I sat outside by their graves, lit the candle, and sprinkled some of their favorite food on them. I said a little prayer I found in my Everyday Magic book, then talked to them myself. I told them about how sorry I am, how much I miss them, and how I hope they're okay now. I explained that I did everything I could to make them better. Then I lit the candle that I had found and thought about the good times we all had together. I sat there and dried for a while. It's windy outside, so I moved to the porch to help block the wind and thought about them some more. After a while I asked Jason to come and sit outside with me, watching the candle. We sat there and talked.

Once the gold candle burned down to where the names are carved, I blew it out and went inside. For now, I'm keeping the two candles in Jason's lock box because I haven't a special and safe place for them. Next time I go to my dad's, I'm going to bring back the wooden box I have there.

I feel better after doing this. I was able to sit and cry and let my emotions go. I needed that. I believe that the fish (and Lenny) are in a better place now and happy again.

Jello and Lenny